The Carnival Conundrum
by Elise Davidson
Summary: "In what universe did you think you would have fun if you brought me? It smells like a farm here, and I don't like things that smell like farms." Sheldon/Penny, wherein there are carnivals, fish, and a photobooth. Picture-inspired.


Author's Notes: Just some short shout-outs really before the fic. Firstly, many thanks to my beta and buddy, who read through this for me on short notice and got back to me so quickly. Thankies, C-dawg; you're always the best!

Next, the inspiration for this fic is a lovely piece of artwork on DevArt by Irrel. Go check it out, nowwwww. Because it's amazing!

And lastly, it's been a while, folks! Enjoy!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"You can't tell me that there's a point to all of this ill-mannered, useless frivolity and atrocious nutritional offerings," Sheldon grumbled, looking at the supposedly-innocuous objects in Penny's hands. He steadfastly refused to term it "food"; there were simply not enough universes in existence to make that statement true.

Penny raised an eyebrow at him while trying to quell the tick of a smirk at the corner of her lips. "It's a corndog and funnel cake, Moonpie. It's not anthrax."

Sheldon snorted. "Don't _call_ me that; only _Meemaw_ calls me that." He looked at the food in her hands again and wrinkled his nose. "Are you sure? It certainly _appears_ as if there might be a dangerous, life-threatening bacterium growing on it." He backed away in terror when Penny pointed the corndog at his face. "_Penny_, I may not be as well-versed in gastronomics as I am in the understanding of the universe, but rest assured that the rather dubious-looking sustenance you're holding is _not_ food. It's a myocardial infarction waiting to occur."

Penny rolled her eyes. "_Boring_. Let's go ride the ferris wheel!"

Sheldon looked horrified at the notion. "You haven't finished your MI with a side of cerebral transischemia!"

"What?"

"I'm not embarking on an elevated, poorly-constructed wheel that is attended by what appears to be West Virginia's newest parolee, especially while you're balancing serious medical emergencies in your hands."

"God, what fun are you?" Penny polished off the corndog and threw the stick in his general direction.

Sheldon jumped and glared at her. "Did you really think you would have fun here if you brought me?" He gestured to the fair. "In what universe did you think I would even remotely enjoy a _carnival_?"

Penny kicked the dirt. "Everyone else was _busy_! I didn't want to go by myself, and god knows you need to see the damn sun every now and again."

"My vitamin D intake is quite sufficient without the added risk of melanoma," he muttered loftily. His face was beginning to turn into a pout. "And it smells weird here."

"Live a little." Penny licked the powdered sugar from her fingers, ignoring Sheldon's rolled eyes. "You should try this; it's amazing."

"Do you know what happens to your heart during a myocardial infarction?"

"Not really, but I'm sure you're gonna tell me all about it, whether I want to know or not."

"You see, Penny, when a human being exceeds the maximum recommended intake of lipids and saccharides—"

"Sarcasm, sweetie." She rolled her eyes again, and smeared powdered sugar on Sheldon's cheek. The ensuing squawking and freak-out over germs was worth the twenty-minute tirade on the synthetic ingredients of confectioner's sugar and non-vegetable-based oil.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"You haven't wanted to ride anything; the least you can do is play some games!" Penny whined, tailing behind Sheldon irritably.

"You don't seem to be listening, Penny. If it was reckless self-destruction and suicide you were looking for tonight, then—"

"Ugh, just _shut up_," Penny snapped, and approached the coin-toss-for-a-fish booth on a whim. "Three tries please."

Sheldon watched intently as Penny aimed and tossed the coin. It bounced musically along the old-fashioned, water-filled milk-bottle jars and landed with a dull thud on the wooden table. Sheldon curled his lip in thought, and looked at the quarter that the attendant handed back to Penny.

"Penny, might I offer—"

"_No_," Penny shot in. "Let me do my one lousy game and we can go home."

Sheldon made a sound between a derisive snort and a suggesting scoff as Penny readied her next shot. "Penny—"

"You didn't want to _play_," Penny pointed out through clenched teeth. Sheldon was almost twitching beside of her, and she ignored it as she flicked the coin towards the bottles. It skidded all together this time, and landed in the grass beneath the attendant's feet. She groaned; it shouldn't be _this_ hard. She glared at the bottles as the tattooed worker brought her the quarter once more.

Sheldon opened his mouth again when Penny aimed for the last try.

Penny glared at him hotly. "_Sheldon_, not another word or your throat's getting kicked in."

Sheldon made another noise in the back of his throat again and his eye twitched in warning as Penny began to aim once more.

Before she could throw it, Sheldon took the coin from her hand with a distasteful look and appeared to balance the weight of it in his hand for a moment. Penny squawked indignantly, but it caught in her throat when Sheldon flicked it at the bottles.

He landed one without hitting the rim.

Sheldon then gave her a look that clearly asked if he could speak now without losing his trachea.

Penny hung her head in slight defeat. "Go ahead," she muttered and waved her hand for him to proceed.

"Trajectory and velocity."

Penny waited, and frowned when nothing else came. "…that's it? Nothing else?"

"Isn't that a satisfactory explanation as is?"

Penny turned as the worker handed her a bag with a bright purple tetra in it. "Aw, he's cute!"

As they began to walk away, Sheldon looked at the bag in Penny's hands. "Carnival fish have well-known life expectancies of approximately 24-48 hours, you know."

"You just made that up," she retorted. "And you're a buzzkill. His name is Isaac."

"Would you like a small, aquatic tombstone that won't degrade in aqueous conditions? And when have you _ever_ known me to make up scientific fact?"

Penny resisted the urge to simply smack him with the fish.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"One ride, Sheldon! Any one of them!"

Sheldon glared at her reluctantly. "Any _one_ of these is still a rickety, mechanically-unsound, germ-covered death trap."

"Yes, but they're fun…" She faltered for a minute. "Death traps!" She pointed enthusiastically. "Look, there's a tilt-a-whirl!"

Sheldon looked slightly green as he watched the spinning, whirling carriages.

Penny blew a few strands of hair from her face in exasperation. "Where's the scientist? Aren't all of these things examples of like…the force or something?"

Sheldon was giving her a Look again, the one where he was about to talk to her like a small child—a stupid one. "Penny," he muttered. "It's not _the_ force, it is _a_ force. These rides, as you've so generously dubbed them, are not Star Wars-sanctioned."

As he continued, Penny pursed her lips at the purple tetra. If Sheldon kept up, it wouldn't matter how cute Isaac was—Sheldon would be getting a fish to the face.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Penny glanced at her cell phone for the time. She was, quite frankly, surprised that Sheldon had managed to last this long. On the other hand, he'd taken them past every ride and explained—in detail—how each and every one of them could go horribly wrong, completely with survival rates.

Most of the percentages he rattled off were low enough that Penny wondered if he'd done any private consulting for a _Final Destination_ movie at some point. Either way, she was certain that if they didn't call it a night soon, the carnival workers would do it for them.

Penny sighed, still carrying Isaac in his little plastic bag and only half-listening to Sheldon explain how for some fish, it was entirely possible (in Penny's words) to be both "Isaac and Idina". His voice drifted over her ears almost soothingly, even if she wasn't paying any real attention. The day itself had been long, and while Sheldon wasn't her first choice for a partner-in-crime at the carnival, she'd still had fun with the banter.

An unexpected grin tugged at her lips. Besides, he'd won her a fish that she'd named Isaac.

They had almost reached the exit of the carnival when she saw it—one of those old-fashioned photobooths. She stopped, wondering how much Sheldon would whine if she dragged him in bodily. She didn't think he'd give too much of a fight, strength-wise. Height-wise, on the other hand…

Well, she'd have the element of surprise. Just like hog-tying a calf, right?

Sheldon heard more than felt his explanation on the mating rituals of fish cut out as Penny yanked him into the photobooth.

"What in the sweet lord's name!" he yelled as Penny sat him down with her.

"We're doing this," Penny snapped. "Now shut up and smile."

There were several things Sheldon struggled not to think about in the cramped space. The first one, however, was difficult, as the space was very cramped. He was fairly certain that it was by design, as he knew that couples sometimes had a passing fancy for these things. He was trying not to think about what those couples might've done in here as well, and what sorts of microorganisms might be conducting binary fission where he sat.

The thing he tried the hardest not to think about, however, overtook them all, and that was the fact that Penny was practically sitting in his lap as she fumbled for quarters while putting the fish securely on the ground. He could smell her perfume in here, could smell her hair. It was distracting, and he grimaced at the camera as color filled his angular face.

Penny finally fished out the change needed, and noted Sheldon's grimace. "God, could you at least not glare at it?" She began pushing the coins in.

Sheldon struggled to school his face into neutrality, and hoped it worked. Penny sat beside of him, and flashed a brilliant smile at the lens of the camera that had turned red.

It flashed quickly, almost surprising him at first. It was hardly preparation for when Penny leaned in impossibly closer. "Smile; it makes you look younger," she teased him, finally pleased that she was doing something that was in the spirit of fairs and carnivals. She wrapped her small fingers around his chin as if to force his mouth into a grin, and smiled again.

Sheldon's eyes flicked over to her as the flash went off; her fingers made his skin tingle like it was numb. She grinned at him still though, and a teasing twinkle had entered her impish face.

"I really don't—"

"2 more!" Penny grabbed the lapel of his collared shirt jokingly, pursing her lips so close to his cheek that Sheldon thought her breath would burn him where it landed. His hands twitched in his lap as his eyes slid over to her again.

There was something to be said for repressed physicists, Penny would say later, and that was they may lack the finesse of their more macho counterparts, but when pushed into a corner, they'd break free just as intensely as any other man.

Penny felt Sheldon's hands land in her hair in a flash, turning her head to face his as they both jumped to their feet. Any words of protest she had were cut off by his lips on hers, searching and clumsy; the muscles in his exposed forearms jumped beneath her fingers as her eyes closed more from reflex than anything else. As his mouth moved against hers, Penny finally let go for a moment, let go of everything she'd assumed about one Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper. His asexuality was the first thing to go as he clutched her to him as if he wouldn't be able to breathe without her.

She fought the urge to smile against his mouth as the flash went off a final time, and he plunked back into the corner of the photobooth with a blush coloring his face. His eyes were intense and dilated, and he reached up to his own neck as if checking his pulse.

Nope, not as if, Penny thought. He _was_ checking his pulse.

Penny beamed at him though, and cautiously touched her mouth to the corner of his. He nearly jumped out of his skin. "Shall we?" she asked, holding her hand out as she picked the fish off the ground.

Sheldon stared at it for a long moment, as if debating the action. He finally stood, and Penny sighed in defeat a little—if that's how he was going to play it (like it never happened, that liar), then she'd just play along with—

It was Penny's turn to jump when she felt a set of long, dry fingers fold into her smaller hand.

"Let's get back," Sheldon finally said, though some of the gruff and cynicism was missing from his voice. "This place makes me feel like the farm did, and I don't like places that are like farms." He wrinkled his nose as they exited the both and Penny grabbed the photo strip. "It most certainly has the same olfactory sensation, and it's been well-documented in many psychological studies that olfactory stimulation—"

Penny didn't tune him out, per se, but she was rather happier with holding his hand and letting the fish rest in her free hand with the photo strip.

xxxFINxxx

Post Story Notes: I know, something from me that _isn't_ slash? No, the world's not ending just yet. Give it another few months, see if I turn out another one. You'll know it's the end when I'm shipping Elliot and JD from Scrubs or something. I had immense fun writing this though; took up the long hours at work when I saw about three customers over 2 hours. Hope you enjoyed this.

Last note for **Irrel**: I hope this does justice to your wonderful picture!

xxElisexx


End file.
